With my daughter, things are simpler. E's father and I are still together, and though he's not concerned with spirituality at this point in his life, he is open minded enough that he's fine with my teaching our daughter my beliefs.
With my son...eh...things are a little more complicated. Admittedly, my relationship with his dad is much easier and cival than most I see between parents - espeically parents who had a child young, as we did. It might not hurt that he and I have known each other since the 4th Grade as well.
V's dad has never been the religious type - so I didn't think anything of it when I started teaching him my beliefs. At this age (and attention and energy level) I have yet to involve him in ritual though I'm starting to consider it. Anyways - I'm basically starting him off by helping him to find a love of nature.
I've taught him that the tree's, flowers - everything is alive - that we're never really alone and he seemed to take great joy and comfort in that.
I've told him stories about Cerridwen and Taliesin, The Morrigan and Cuchulain, Macha and the Men of Ulster, Demeter and Persephone, Thor, Odin, Loki, Frigg, Wakantanka, White Calf Woman, the trickster Coyote, and many more.
I want children that are open minded; to be accepting of all religions and eventually, I hope, that they will work to find what works for them - what makes them happy.
So, one day when my son comes home from his dads and tell me, "My daddy says that when we die we go to Heaven and that there is no Goddess in Heaven. But I told him that its called The Otherworld and that there is a Goddess so there!"
I was quietly angry, V's dad has never been religious. In the 13 years I've known him I've never heard about him going to church, he never expressed any interest in faith of any sort including Christianity when those topics were discussed. So why press this upon him now? Why work to close his mind? Its not like I was teaching him to be anti-Christian!
So V and I sat together and I hold him the Christian story of creation, I told him the story of Jesus and I answered his questions.
After that he started questioning me on my beliefs. I've never been too specific on that before wanting them to draw their own conclusions. He then told me his beliefs and though they were vague by adult standards I was so proud! I could tell it was something he'd actually put thought into and some of those thoughts are different from my own even. I'll admit it - my 5-year-old made me glow with pride!
After I put the kids to bed that night I couldn't stop thinking about it. My thoughts kept circling around on the some of things that V told me his dad said that day, "Its not called Otherworld its called Heaven...", "There is no Goddess in Heaven....", "....There is no Goddess..."
I knew I needed to talk to his dad about this. If he wanted to talk to our son about his beliefs - fine - but I wasn't going to stand for him devaluing mine in the process.
But the time never seemed right - though our relationship is civil its not exactly buddy-buddy either. I feared that the mole hill would quickly become a mountain. Sometimes rational people become entirely irrational where religion is concerned and I had no idea what to expect.
How exactly do you even brooch the subject?
Well - finally I had to remind myself to make the decision to follow through no matter how difficult it might be - this was important to me and beyond that it could set the president for how other things are handled in the future.
Finally, the opportunity revealed itself when my son decided to pick up some colorful language from - of all places - playing Call of Duty online with his 16-year-old uncle at this dads.
Side tangent:
I love video games! (Even though I never get to play them) but COD....really? I don't know if you've ever heard the language used on those games but the stereotypical sailor would feel right at home. Super Mario? Cool. Donkey Kong? Cool. Call of Duty and other shooting games at 5? Pssshhh....NOPE.
I digress lol. So, his dad and I opened our schedules to have a talk about punishments for cussing and things like that - basically make sure we're doing the same things and that we agree with each others tactics. That conversation went smoothly and I realized that this was my moment. We're talking about V and agreeing on things so why not?
I brought it up by letting him know some of the things V was coming home and repeating to me. He informed me that V had made comments about things I said there as well (phew - good thing I kept my anger to myself right?) and ended up saying something along the lines of, "Now, I've never known you to be a religious person and I apologize if I'm wrong but my faith is something important to me. I don't follow any mainstream faith - I'm actually, in the simplest terms, Pagan. I don't know if you know what that is or anything but no its not devil worship or anything close to that - in the most basic of terms I love and worship the spirits of nature."
The conversation, luckily, was simple enough in my case. He confirmed that he isn't really religious but that he has been reading V some Bible stories that his grandmother had bought for him (she is religious). I also breathed a sigh of relief when he told me what some of his conversations were with V.
V asked, "Why isn't the Goddess in these stories?" His dad replied, "Well, some people believe that there isn't a Goddess - just a God. A lot of those people, like your grandma and great-grandma, believe that you only die once and that when you do you go to a place called Heaven."
In the end, he has no problem whatsoever with me teaching V about different faiths and religious beliefs. He's fine with me involving him in rituals as long as I'm fine with him occasionally going to church and things with his grandparents (which I am). Basically I just ask that he continue to stay mindful with his wording of things just like I do. I did tell him to never be be afraid to clarify things and answer questions when V has them though - and believe me - he has good questions...most recently its about babies and where they come from...and how they come out. (Might I add I'm not entirely prepared to give these answers? lol)
So in the end, I was lucky - I am lucky. The fathers of my children are open minded despite the fact that they don't really put much weight into spirituality right now. With luck my children will take after us and grow to be open minded, intelligent, loving individuals.
I know that not everyone gets off so easy on these points - I mean - my nephews father was reluctant to even let R around me for a while after he found out I wasn't a Christian (it becomes ironic when you know him). So not everyone is going to stay accepting and that mole hill may turn into a mountain.
But if its important to you - its up to you to decide if its important enough to risk it.
So now I'll send off this post with some of the hilarious things I found out my son said to his father:
-"Ya know what dad? There are millions of Goddess' and millions of Gods - they'll kick your butt because they love me."
-"So....Jesus died on a cross with some nails....umm...that's not very tough - I'd feel bad for whoever tried that on MY God!"
-"Well - if grandma doesn't believe in the Goddess maybe the Goddess doesn't believe in Grandma"
-"I don't know where the ball went - maybe the fairies wanted to play with it."
-"That crow is one of mommys friends - she loves crows - he's just making sure I look both ways before I cross the street cause he will go tattle!"
-"Oh I know how to ride a bike dad. I just have to remember cause that was in my last life."
Hope you got a giggle - I know I did when I heard these! lol
Willow
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