I Don't Wanna be a Hypocrite (One Pagans Feelings on Christianity)

This is has been a very difficult post for me to write. I want to make clear up front that this in no way reflects the way all or even the way most of Pagans feel. This is my own personal struggle on something that became important to me to express because no one seems to want to and I feel that its important to weed out hate and misunderstandings wherever we can to better ourselves and our community.

One of the hardest things for me to admit is when I've been a hypocrite. We've all done it at one point or another whether its damning our neighbor for his addictions while we smoke a cigarette or getting mad at a friend for gossiping then turning around and doing the same thing.

We don't like to think of ourselves as hypocrites as we do these things but like it or not we are.

And as I sit here writing this I must shamefully admit that I've been a hypocrite.

I get so frustrated with my family when they lecture me about my faith, my sexuality, etc. All I want is for them to shut up, realize that I'm happy, that my first crush at 5 was a girl and that I've been a practicing Pagan for almost a decade - neither of them are "childish phases" - and to just be happy for me because I'm happy.

Earlier this year we had to put my grandmother into a nursing home. We'd originally thought it would be a temporary stay as she recovered from surgery but her Alzheimer's has progressed so much we had to face that she would probably never live on her own again and get rid of her apartmnet.

My grandmother is a hoarder and - lucky me - the job of sorting through her things - pack, sort, or donate - mainly fell on my shoulders.

Going through her things was hard, not just because it was acknowleding her physical and mental decline - but also because she had book case after book case full of Christian books, cassettes, CD's, VHS's, and DVD's. I had to through these individually (she's preaching on some of them and they were mixed in with everything else) and read such titles as, "The Pocket Guid to Demons, Witches, and the Occult" and "Overcoming Witchcraft". There were also sermons entitled, "The Homosexual Spirit: The Demon that Plagues Our Society", and my personal favorite, "Thou Shalt Suffer Not a Witch to Live: Protecting Your Home and Family from Witchcraft and the Occult."

My grandmother and I had fought for years prior to her illness, it was pretty clear to anyone who saw us together that she hated me. She even went so far, one time, as to accuse me of eventually molesting my son "like all gays do". I'm not a violent person, but she's very lucky my gay girlfriend was there that day when I couldn't see through the red.

So, as I'm going through these things this is all I can think about: Whos the person you threatened to call children services on for dating a woman? This girl. Who is the one who memorized your medial history at 14 and has kept track of all your medical and finances because you were having trouble keeping track of everything? This girl. Who's the girl you called the police on when you found a book on Wicca in her room? This girl. Who's the girl who made sure you made it to the hospital when I knew you were ill and everyone else thought I was exaggerating but the doctor said you would have died had I not? This girl.

Sure its probably childish and petty to think this way under the circumstances but I've seen her multiple times since then and never breathed a word of my momentary anger. All the same, in the moment all the old anger was dredged up again.

Every Christian article I picked up my lip curled in disgust, I would scoff at some things, throw some things away on the principle of refusing to spread hate.

A couple days later when my hind sight was a little clearer I realized how haughty I was being - which led to me realizing that this had been going on for some time to a lesser degree.

The pang of annoyance when my incredibly sweet dentists cross hangs in my eyes while he's working, the impatience I feel when my live-in relative comes home and starts talking about the sermon he heard at church, the small flare of anger I felt when the eye doctor told my daughter to kneel like she was praying in church before he examined her eyes.

Am I really beginning to resent Christianity this much?

I try to teach my children to be accepting of all spiritual paths - all religions - I pray that my family can just come to accept me as I am and stop asking me to change - then here I am - my lip curling without conscious thought when I see their religious symbols.

There's part of me that says, "This is a religion that has rarely shown me any face besides that of condemnation and judgment. This is the faith that my parents hold that caused them to mock me, question my sanity; my character all because I love differently. Why should I like them?"

Then there's that better part of me that replies, "Because you cant paint them all with the same brush - prejudice is prejudice. You have friends that are Christians that treat you fine and you love them! You're better than this. Acceptance goes both ways!"

So the question is:  is it really necessary...important...to try to be accepting/understanding of people who see us this way? As demon possessed and stupid, whose "Good Book" teaches them not to care whether we live or die, some of them may even pity the eternal damnation in hell they believe we're destined for on this path. Its hard to be too accepting of a faith that encourages its followers to fear us - especially when fear so often leads to hate in the human heart.

Is it enough to be ok with and be accepting of the fact that they believe differently than I while simultaneously rolling your eyes at so much they believe? Is this normal or too conflicting?

How do you align what you know to be right with how you feel when it isn't?

Each of us are individuals - I think this is what I need to remind myself of right now - you're going to find your Christians who are fine with everyone believing what they feel is right for them and then you're going to find others who want to begin quoting scripture at you and lecturing.

I just need to take my own advice and make the decision to work on this; to catch and correct myself when I start thinking that way, etc.

One day at a time I guess.

Have you dealt with this? How do you feel about it? What do you think? Am I right or wrong?

Willow
www.facebook.com/pagansayswhat

Tug of War Baby

As a parent, each of us feel like we know whats best for our children. Especially while they're young; absorbing information like little sponges.

We do our best to teach them right from wrong, we teach them their ABC's and 123's, try to teach them healthy habits, this is also when we usually start trying to instill them with the values that are important to us. Those values often include ones that are taught by our beliefs/religions.

With my daughter, things are simpler. E's father and I are still together, and though he's not concerned with spirituality at this point in his life, he is open minded enough that he's fine with my teaching our daughter my beliefs.

With my son...eh...things are a little more complicated. Admittedly, my relationship with his dad is much easier and cival than most I see between parents - espeically parents who had a child young, as we did. It might not hurt that he and I have known each other since the 4th Grade as well.

V's dad has never been the religious type - so I didn't think anything of it when I started teaching him my beliefs. At this age (and attention and energy level) I have yet to involve him in ritual though I'm starting to consider it. Anyways - I'm basically starting him off by helping him to find a love of nature.

I've taught him that the tree's, flowers - everything is alive - that we're never really alone and he seemed to take great joy and comfort in that.

                                                                Looks like a party to me!

I've told him stories about Cerridwen and Taliesin, The Morrigan and Cuchulain, Macha and the Men of Ulster, Demeter and Persephone, Thor, Odin, Loki, Frigg, Wakantanka, White Calf Woman, the trickster Coyote, and many more.

I want children that are open minded; to be accepting of all religions and eventually, I hope, that they will work to find what works for them - what makes them happy.

So, one day when my son comes home from his dads and tell me, "My daddy says that when we die we go to Heaven and that there is no Goddess in Heaven. But I told him that its called The Otherworld and that there is a Goddess so there!"

I was quietly angry, V's dad has never been religious. In the 13 years I've known him I've never heard about him going to church, he never expressed any interest in faith of any sort including Christianity when those topics were discussed. So why press this upon him now? Why work to close his mind? Its not like I was teaching him to be anti-Christian!

So V and I sat together and I hold him the Christian story of creation, I told him the story of Jesus and I answered his questions.

After that he started questioning me on my beliefs. I've never been too specific on that before wanting them to draw their own conclusions. He then told me his beliefs and though they were vague by adult standards I was so proud! I could tell it was something he'd actually put thought into and some of those thoughts are different from my own even. I'll admit it - my 5-year-old made me glow with pride!

After I put the kids to bed that night I couldn't stop thinking about it. My thoughts kept circling around on the some of things that V told me his dad said that day, "Its not called Otherworld its called Heaven...", "There is no Goddess in Heaven....", "....There is no Goddess..."

                                                 Yep - because my brain doesn't understand what bedtime is

I knew I needed to talk to his dad about this. If he wanted to talk to our son about his beliefs - fine - but I wasn't going to stand for him devaluing mine in the process.

But the time never seemed right - though our relationship is civil its not exactly buddy-buddy either. I feared that the mole hill would quickly become a mountain. Sometimes rational people become entirely irrational where religion is concerned and I had no idea what to expect.

How exactly do you even brooch the subject?

Well - finally I had to remind myself to make the decision to follow through no matter how difficult it might be - this was important to me and beyond that it could set the president for how other things are handled in the future.

Finally, the opportunity revealed itself when my son decided to pick up some colorful language from - of all places - playing Call of Duty online with his 16-year-old uncle at this dads.

Side tangent:
I love video games! (Even though I never get to play them) but COD....really? I don't know if you've ever heard the language used on those games but the stereotypical sailor would feel right at home. Super Mario? Cool. Donkey Kong? Cool. Call of Duty and other shooting games at 5? Pssshhh....NOPE.

I digress lol. So, his dad and I opened our schedules to have a talk about punishments for cussing and things like that - basically make sure we're doing the same things and that we agree with each others tactics. That conversation went smoothly and I realized that this was my moment. We're talking about V and agreeing on things so why not?

I brought it up by letting him know some of the things V was coming home and repeating to me. He informed me that V had made comments about things I said there as well (phew - good thing I kept my anger to myself right?) and ended up saying something along the lines of, "Now, I've never known you to be a religious person and I apologize if I'm wrong but my faith is something important to me. I don't follow any mainstream faith - I'm actually, in the simplest terms, Pagan. I don't know if you know what that is or anything but no its not devil worship or anything close to that - in the most basic of terms I love and worship the spirits of nature." 

The conversation, luckily, was simple enough in my case. He confirmed that he isn't really religious but that he has been reading V some Bible stories that his grandmother had bought for him (she is religious). I also breathed a sigh of relief when he told me what some of his conversations were with V.

V asked, "Why isn't the Goddess in these stories?" His dad replied, "Well, some people believe that there isn't a Goddess - just a God. A lot of those people, like your grandma and great-grandma, believe that you only die once and that when you do you go to a place called Heaven."

In the end, he has no problem whatsoever with me teaching V about different faiths and religious beliefs. He's fine with me involving him in rituals as long as I'm fine with him occasionally going to church and things with his grandparents (which I am). Basically I just ask that he continue to stay mindful with his wording of things just like I do. I did tell him to never be be afraid to clarify things and answer questions when V has them though - and believe me - he has good questions...most recently its about babies and where they come from...and how they come out. (Might I add I'm not entirely prepared to give these answers? lol)

So in the end, I was lucky - I am lucky. The fathers of my children are open minded despite the fact that they don't really put much weight into spirituality right now. With luck my children will take after us and grow to be open minded, intelligent, loving individuals. 

I know that not everyone gets off so easy on these points - I mean - my nephews father was reluctant to even let R around me for a while after he found out I wasn't a Christian (it becomes ironic when you know him). So not everyone is going to stay accepting and that mole hill may turn into a mountain.

But if its important to you - its up to you to decide if its important enough to risk it. 

So now I'll send off this post with some of the hilarious things I found out my son said to his father:

-"Ya know what dad? There are millions of Goddess' and millions of Gods - they'll kick your butt because they love me."

-"So....Jesus died on a cross with some nails....umm...that's not very tough - I'd feel bad for whoever tried that on MY God!"

-"Well - if grandma doesn't believe in the Goddess maybe the Goddess doesn't believe in Grandma"

-"I don't know where the ball went - maybe the fairies wanted to play with it."

-"That crow is one of mommys friends - she loves crows - he's just making sure I look both ways before I cross the street cause he will go tattle!"

 -"Oh I know how to ride a bike dad. I just have to remember cause that was in my last life."

Hope you got a giggle - I know I did when I heard these! lol

Willow