We get really into something - it excites us, we feel good when we do it, we might even brag about it - but then something happens, "I was going to jog then it started raining and I just don't feel like getting soaked" or "God I'm so sick...there's no way I can do a full moon ritual tonight." "Well...I started my breathing to meditate and then Katelyn woke up and after I had to get her fed and changed it was time to start dinner."
For some people 1 day's interruption isn't enough to throw them off track, but for others with busier schedules from work, kids, and other obligations that one day can turn into a week - two weeks.
Personally, this happens to me a lot. I have two children who are both at very mischievous ages; you take you're eyes off them and something is drawn on, they've suddenly snuck 5 cans of soda out of the fridge and have them all simultaneously opened and hidden under a bed where they sneak drinks, the bathroom floor is soaked - you get it - they've got a little Loki in'em and because this my practices of all of the above often look like this:
Exercise 3-4 days a week
Yoga 5-6 days a week
Mediation 3-5 days a week
Morning Devotional: 6-7 days a week
and I'll stay really steady on this schedule for a month or so...
Then something happens - the dishes from the night before didn't get done and the sink is over flowing "Well...I'll exercise after I get the dishes done." So I do the dishes...then I wipe of the counters....then I polish the cupboard doors...then I dust the blinds and window sills...wash windows...scrub baseboards...sweep and mop...and I am suddenly exhausted! No exercise today!
The next day I hadn't planned to exercise so had something else planned instead and the day after that there's something else and something else and finally I start guiltily finding excuses not to.
One thing in your life tends to leak into another - much like how people bring work home with them whether they mean to or not even if its just with their attitude. I start finding myself waking up and telling myself I'll do my morning devotional after I wake up a little more or that I'll meditate after the kids go to bed and get wrapped up in back to back episodes of The Big Bang Theory instead.
After a while I start getting restless - my muscles not getting the workout they're used to and my heart aching for that purposeful connection with deity, my stress level aching for the beautiful peace I find in my meditations - and I find myself fighting it for a while. I have no idea why other than maybe my mind starts thinking of these things as more obligations instead of the 'something for me, my health, and my growth' that they really are. Each time I have to come to that realization again and then I toss myself back into all those practices again but its...sooo....HARD!
In some cases I think its hard because we have to face others that know we gave up for while (intentionally or not) - friends at the gym or even the members of your coven; but most of the time I think its admitting it to yourself. When we stop doing things that are important to us at some point it becomes important to go back and evaluate why it keeps happening and sometimes those answers are rough.
The hardest part for me is I cant draw lines between things - everything is connected - as I showed before - if I stop doing one thing everything else will trickle off into temporary obsoletion as well. So, when a relative of mine lost his job and moved in with my family and I, a relative I might add who has meant a lot to me throughout my life and is in full disagreeance with my spiritual beliefs, I ran into the broom closet and slammed the door.
I couldn't stand the idea of being ridiculed for my beliefs in my own home and as often as I've sworn to myself that I'm not going to care and do what I want - I'm an adult I can make my own decisions and he is staying in my home - there's still that little coward in me that says, "He wont be here forever right? You can just pick back up in full and be the witchiest witch you wanna be - you can prance around in robes and roll around in tarot cards and yell your questions to your Ouija board if you want! But for now you can avoid the fight."
I'm a non-confrontational person with a hot head - yes it sounds like an oxymoron. I do my best to to talk things out before aggravation turns into anger and that's why in the nearly four years my partner and I have been together we've argued all of one time. Once confrontation begins I can't censor myself - I don't say hurtful thinks like 'I hate you' just to be hurtful - but I will tell you what I think and not everyone appreciates that quality especially when its loud and usually by that point I have no volume control. It doesn't happen often and I avoid it the best I can.
I could chalk up hiding in the closet to that - but in the end it comes down to a painful truth for me - I'm not as grown up as I think I am. I had to grow up young - circumstances made me - and I pride myself on the hardships I've overcome, the fact that my closest friends tell me that I won't sugar coat things for them and the fact that I follow my own advice when so many people don't and that they trust, love, and respect me all the more for it. So I can't help but feel ashamed when I realize that there's a part of me that still cares what some people think so much so that I'll push aside what means so much to me.
I'm not ashamed of being pagan, I don't have to worry about losing a job, a spouse, or anything like that over it - so why should I hide? My challenge - to let MY flag fly. I don't want to hide for anyone and its time that I don't.
Everything in life is a decision - even not actively making a decision is still a decision in the sense that life still happens - you really cant hit the 'pause' button on life. You have to make the decision to evaluate your priorities and what's important to you, you have to make the decision to start back up you have to make the decision to follow through. Its all up to you - the trick is remembering that. There's no shame in having the mundane parts of your life (work, cleaning, etc.) take over for a time - at times its very very necessary - its just remembering that you have the choice of when other things become the focus point again and the choice to work towards finding a balance.
So make a choice today - you'll be happy you did! ;)
Willow
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